Sure, star signs are fun, but to me the only thing you need to know about a person is this: do they take “best before” dates as suggestions, or absolute laws? For what it’s worth, I’m the former kind.

There’s something so satisfying about pouring water that your dehumidifier has pulled from literal thin air down the sink, isn’t there? “You wanted to be mould, but you never made it,” I gloat in my ...